Looking Back..

Recently I began to wonder about how long I have left. In general, one would not start so early. I am after all only 51.

On the other hand, considering my lifestyle until 5 years ago; I may have burnt the candle. So I wonder about death. I do not fear it on the whole. I do think about the things I will miss having departed too early.

I wish I could turn back the clock a little. Most probable I would do nothing majorly different. I would just not do it so long. Then my body would be in better shape. An acquaintance some years back used to say, “If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d taken better care of myself.” I see it as the flip side of the phrase, Live Fast Die young………. ………have good lookin’ corpses. Then we live past having a good lookin’ corpse.

Yep, I wonder how much shorter my life will be?

Broken Dog

This is "Ardie"........

Ardie was not broken when we brought him home. Our Big Dog stepped on him. Quite by accident I am sure.

He needs surgery to fix his leg. I was thinking about this today. It occurred to me how much I want a new LCD "Wide Screen" HDTV. Ardie's new leg is going to cost nearly as much. So my next thought is, "I hope he is damn entertaining once he has all four legs.

Failure to Launch

Can not get up from this machine. Procrastination running free.

I saw a motivational poster I "Stumbled" across. I liked it. It was just a frame and a blank white picture. The marquee was emblazoned with "PROCRASTINATION", caption said, " I'll find a picture later."

Beautiful . . . . . that is today.

Is it okay to just do nothing? I do it all the time and always feel bad. Not bad enough not to do it, you know, do nothing.

Free Money.....

So I am getting in my truck to go to Home Depot thinking I need to put some gas in the tank. On the ground, beneath my shoe is a $20 bill. I check for the one in my wallet, it's still there. Free Gas today. It's time for all the Jr. High kids to be walking home. One of them just might be light one $20 bill. For a moment I feel that sick feeling one gets. Someone will feel it when the $20 is found missing.

How do you reconcile this? You just spend the money.

Here we are.....

The first post. OK, let's start somewhere. Living Nuts is about living with Major Depressive Disorder. I am 51 years old living on Social Security Disability. I have experience at this. I have collected disability for over 10 years.

The first 5 years checks did NOT go far. The drugs I used to manage symptoms were not obtained at the pharmacy and prescriptions were not needed. There is a drug out there I found to be the absolute "Nirvana" for managing depression. It does have side effects. JAILS, INSTITUTIONS & DEATH being the most severe. More about that later.

The last 5 years have been much better. I use normal channels for managing symptoms. I am an Addict, clean nearly 5 years. I don't much attend meetings anymore. I found I am much more prone to depressive episodes than "addictive behavior" episodes and find little help at meetings.

I have a low stress life and for the most part, I'm content.

more to come........ right this moment I feel the need to visit Home Depot, get some wood and build something.